First Annual Pumpkin Blast 2010

My friend Kimberly wanted to blast some pumpkins, and from that came the idea of the First Annual Pumpkin Blast 2010. 

Nine of us got together last night and it started with some pumpkin blasting:











As you can see we had a lot of fun. Then after some dinner, the pumpkin carving began. Everyone stayed pretty secretive about their designs. But there was sure a lot of laughter and giggling going on. The laughter really picked up though when my brother started carving his pumpkin:




Only my brother! 

Here's some pictures of the final product. And just when I thought we couldn't have anymore fun we watched Get Smart with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway. Oh how I have not laughed that hard in a long time! At the end of the night after tons of laughter and great fun I felt really blessed to have such awesome family and amazing friends. So thank you Kimberly Martinson, David Lukens, Christie Visser, Terry Visser, Ryan Salas, Kerri Salas, Joel Bennett and Tyler DeZeeuw. I had a blast and it was all because of you! 

Six years

My cousin Kacie and I hit the ice last Friday

It's been somewhere around six years since I've been on the ice. It was a mind boggling thought when I actually figured it out.

I started out rollerblading when I was younger and then made a smooth transition onto the ice. I spent four years skating. Once a week I hit the ice and I usually spent a half hour with my coach going over things. Running repetitive figures, or spending the entire two hour session spinning or jumping. I was motivated and had dreams of taking it somewhere. But I couldn't drive, we had limited resources and when my sis started playing softball I knew it wouldn't last much longer.

I'm glad for the break, I was able to get involved at church and find some other interests. But part of me missed it. And I didn't realize how much until I stepped on the ice again last week. First the smell of the ice, it's hard to explain but it's so distinct that it brought back lots of memories. That first initial loop around made me remember that doing forward crossovers and getting down into my knees and the ice feels like I'm flying. Finding a specific edge and listening as your blade digs into the ice. Oh how I've missed this!

Things came back to me the longer I was on the ice. What I was lacking was some balance and the ability to not get dizzy when spinning. The spinning will come back with more practice. The balance I realized, once I got back into my fundamentals, was from lack of flexibility. Definitely not as flexible as I was six years ago. But that just makes me determined to gain it all back. And then there is the wonderful feeling when you skate your butt off for an hour and you get off the ice and your legs feel like jelly. That one makes me happy, just as much as being sore the next day. Productivity. :D

Some things haven't changed though...

Not Backin Down...

Anxiety, noun: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

There was a point in my life where it ruled me. I was miserable every day. It paralyzed my desire to feel and to find the joy in each moment. I honestly wondered how I was going to get through the upcoming life experiences, driver's Ed, getting my license, braces, oral surgery. Not a big deal to you huh? 


Each of those made up a mountain, a mountain that I stood at the bottom of and looked up to the peak and wondered how I was going to reach the top. 

I've spent many of times on the floor of my bathroom fighting waves of nausea, for no reason at all, and asking God to take it away. To take my pain and misery and throw it out so I would never have to deal with it again. Yet I felt so alone and hurt when time after time I didn't receive the comfort I was seeking. You have to know in each of those moments part of me wondered why God was allowing me to experience what I felt as agony. 

And now looking back, I smile at God's faithfulness in my life. It sucked, it was painful, and it wasn't even a tiny bit fun. But I look at the person I am now and I'm thankful that I went through it. It drew me to God like no other because I was in such a broken state I had no other choice. I learned to pray through each situation and expect God to show up. 

This is the most I think I've shared about this part of my life. Why? Well to be honest I felt like it was a weakness in my life. And I hate having a weakness out there for the world to see. But now I care for those who suffer just like I do. Who need to know that there is hope and a way to get through it.

I remember when I had my oral surgery over a year ago, I expected to be nervous a week before. I wasn't. Then I expected to be super nervous the day of. I hardly had any nerves that morning. I had people praying for me that day and I can't describe to you how calm I felt. I remember walking back to my room and beginning to cry, not because I was nervous but because of the overwhelming sense of peace that came over me in that moment. A peace that surpassed my understanding. God walked with me through that situation, He has always been there, in the good and the bad. He is my protector, shield, strength, fortress, hope and peace.  

I've learned over the years many ways to distract myself. I have a playlist specifically for those moments, songs I can blast to get my mind off things. I spent a lot of time riding, nothing like being on a horse that was always looking for a chance to pull something on you to keep you distracted. As it's eased and I deal with it less frequently, I've added running to my list. I gotta keep moving to be distracted.


So Sunday, when I got up to get ready for church and had weird anxiety symptoms going on I wasn't having any of it. This is something I've gotten very stubborn about. I won't have Satan messing with me or my life and winning! And that prompted a facebook status of not backing down. 


When my friend Kimberly, asked me to explain the status and I shared the details, the next day she handed me boxing gloves. A visual reminder of my inward battle to not back down. That raised the question; maybe I should take up kickboxing as a new distraction? lol I think I would enjoy it.

This morning as I was reading my Bible I found a passage in Psalms the resonated with my heart.


"The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. For He will conceal me there when troubles come; He will hide me in His sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me." - Psalm 27:1b,3,5-6a

I've read this a couple times now and I always end up feeling satisfied, happy and passionate all at the same time. In a way this is my battle cry...