First Annual Pumpkin Blast 2010

My friend Kimberly wanted to blast some pumpkins, and from that came the idea of the First Annual Pumpkin Blast 2010. 

Nine of us got together last night and it started with some pumpkin blasting:











As you can see we had a lot of fun. Then after some dinner, the pumpkin carving began. Everyone stayed pretty secretive about their designs. But there was sure a lot of laughter and giggling going on. The laughter really picked up though when my brother started carving his pumpkin:




Only my brother! 

Here's some pictures of the final product. And just when I thought we couldn't have anymore fun we watched Get Smart with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway. Oh how I have not laughed that hard in a long time! At the end of the night after tons of laughter and great fun I felt really blessed to have such awesome family and amazing friends. So thank you Kimberly Martinson, David Lukens, Christie Visser, Terry Visser, Ryan Salas, Kerri Salas, Joel Bennett and Tyler DeZeeuw. I had a blast and it was all because of you! 

Six years

My cousin Kacie and I hit the ice last Friday

It's been somewhere around six years since I've been on the ice. It was a mind boggling thought when I actually figured it out.

I started out rollerblading when I was younger and then made a smooth transition onto the ice. I spent four years skating. Once a week I hit the ice and I usually spent a half hour with my coach going over things. Running repetitive figures, or spending the entire two hour session spinning or jumping. I was motivated and had dreams of taking it somewhere. But I couldn't drive, we had limited resources and when my sis started playing softball I knew it wouldn't last much longer.

I'm glad for the break, I was able to get involved at church and find some other interests. But part of me missed it. And I didn't realize how much until I stepped on the ice again last week. First the smell of the ice, it's hard to explain but it's so distinct that it brought back lots of memories. That first initial loop around made me remember that doing forward crossovers and getting down into my knees and the ice feels like I'm flying. Finding a specific edge and listening as your blade digs into the ice. Oh how I've missed this!

Things came back to me the longer I was on the ice. What I was lacking was some balance and the ability to not get dizzy when spinning. The spinning will come back with more practice. The balance I realized, once I got back into my fundamentals, was from lack of flexibility. Definitely not as flexible as I was six years ago. But that just makes me determined to gain it all back. And then there is the wonderful feeling when you skate your butt off for an hour and you get off the ice and your legs feel like jelly. That one makes me happy, just as much as being sore the next day. Productivity. :D

Some things haven't changed though...

Not Backin Down...

Anxiety, noun: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

There was a point in my life where it ruled me. I was miserable every day. It paralyzed my desire to feel and to find the joy in each moment. I honestly wondered how I was going to get through the upcoming life experiences, driver's Ed, getting my license, braces, oral surgery. Not a big deal to you huh? 


Each of those made up a mountain, a mountain that I stood at the bottom of and looked up to the peak and wondered how I was going to reach the top. 

I've spent many of times on the floor of my bathroom fighting waves of nausea, for no reason at all, and asking God to take it away. To take my pain and misery and throw it out so I would never have to deal with it again. Yet I felt so alone and hurt when time after time I didn't receive the comfort I was seeking. You have to know in each of those moments part of me wondered why God was allowing me to experience what I felt as agony. 

And now looking back, I smile at God's faithfulness in my life. It sucked, it was painful, and it wasn't even a tiny bit fun. But I look at the person I am now and I'm thankful that I went through it. It drew me to God like no other because I was in such a broken state I had no other choice. I learned to pray through each situation and expect God to show up. 

This is the most I think I've shared about this part of my life. Why? Well to be honest I felt like it was a weakness in my life. And I hate having a weakness out there for the world to see. But now I care for those who suffer just like I do. Who need to know that there is hope and a way to get through it.

I remember when I had my oral surgery over a year ago, I expected to be nervous a week before. I wasn't. Then I expected to be super nervous the day of. I hardly had any nerves that morning. I had people praying for me that day and I can't describe to you how calm I felt. I remember walking back to my room and beginning to cry, not because I was nervous but because of the overwhelming sense of peace that came over me in that moment. A peace that surpassed my understanding. God walked with me through that situation, He has always been there, in the good and the bad. He is my protector, shield, strength, fortress, hope and peace.  

I've learned over the years many ways to distract myself. I have a playlist specifically for those moments, songs I can blast to get my mind off things. I spent a lot of time riding, nothing like being on a horse that was always looking for a chance to pull something on you to keep you distracted. As it's eased and I deal with it less frequently, I've added running to my list. I gotta keep moving to be distracted.


So Sunday, when I got up to get ready for church and had weird anxiety symptoms going on I wasn't having any of it. This is something I've gotten very stubborn about. I won't have Satan messing with me or my life and winning! And that prompted a facebook status of not backing down. 


When my friend Kimberly, asked me to explain the status and I shared the details, the next day she handed me boxing gloves. A visual reminder of my inward battle to not back down. That raised the question; maybe I should take up kickboxing as a new distraction? lol I think I would enjoy it.

This morning as I was reading my Bible I found a passage in Psalms the resonated with my heart.


"The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. For He will conceal me there when troubles come; He will hide me in His sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me." - Psalm 27:1b,3,5-6a

I've read this a couple times now and I always end up feeling satisfied, happy and passionate all at the same time. In a way this is my battle cry...

Simplicity of Forgiveness

Amidst all the craziness at work two weeks ago, I sat at the end of the 9AM and listened to the band close out a great service. And two lines stood out so clearly to me, "You keep no records of my sin. You don't remember all my shame." I guess because my personality and brain tends to keep record of my past shame and wrongs; I never really thought about the fact that God doesn't. He knows everything about us even before it takes place. So why would He have to keep track? It was starling reality to me. It caused me to feel deeply humbled and left me thinking about the importance of seeking forgiveness and the redemption that God so freely gives. It's something that I want to be constantly reminded of since I so easily keep track of my past wrongs.

What Sucks Our Time

I was reading through my devotional the other night and these stats for that day amused AND startled me all at once. I really like the authors own thoughts on each of these in parenthesis.

• Interesting facts from USA Today: In a lifetime the average American will spend:
• Six months sitting at stoplights (It's better than running them and breaking the law)  
• Eight months opening junk mail (I stopped opening it)  
• One year looking for misplaced objects (Guilty!) 
• Two years watching television (Not in a row!)  
• Five years waiting in line (McDonald's drive-through)  
• Six years eating (After you finally get through the drive-through!)

Makes you wonder in what other areas we spend occupying our time. 

A New Year, New Goals

I found my notebook last week that had my goals from 2009. It's always so entertaining to me to make them every new year and then completely forget where I put them and somehow miraculously find them just about the time I need to make new ones.

As I looked them over, I was amazed at how much God helped me accomplish AND overcome in the last year.

I think the biggest thing was the fact that I not only had only a handful of anxiety attacks, but I also had oral surgery and got my braces on. May sound easy to you, but to me they were huge! And after much struggle I have felt completely healthy now for the last six months. God has truly stood by me through some of the worst experiences in the last year and a half.

One that stood out the most was in the midst of an anxiety attack, I found myself on my knees face on the floor trying to gain control and feeling like I was losing. And I finally just began to pray. Over and over again I prayed for strength, peace and Satan's control to back off. God's peace soon flooded over me. Ever since then I can only remember one very minimal attack.

So, now for the big highlights of 2009:

1. I got an amazing/dream job that I had been working hard at for three years. It happened two days after my 18 birthday.
2. I finished and graduated high school the end of May.
3. My summer I spent almost every weekend hanging out with great friends, often around a campfire overlooking the water. We frequented the beach quite a bit this year, which was fine with me. :) I also visited seven new places I had never been to. All only within a couple hours of me.
4. The end of August I celebrated two wonderful years with my boyfriend David. We had a great dinner and then took a day trip to Whidbey Island and visited three major parks. I'm very blessed to have such a wonderful great guy in my life.
5. And this fall I finally had the opportunity to meet David's brother, Mr. Seth Lukens. Hanging out with him and his wife Katie (whom I had meet before) we found that Seth and I are similar personalities and David and Katie are two of a kind also. We had lots of fun times and much laughter.

So what are the goals for this year? Much of the same, explore new places, frequent the beach, always have fun with my friends. Buy a car hopefully, and do at least one new thing out of my comfort zone. But my number one goal that ended up on my list on new year's eve was this:
"Ask myself daily, 'is God the number one priority in my life? And am i doing things to hear His voice and follow/grow in him?'" I want it to be the center of my life more than ever this year.

I would also like to work on deepening my relationships in my life, whether it is friends or family. I want to know them and understand them on a deeper level, care more, love them better, be there for them. Some of these come naturally, others I struggle with and they often become burdens. But I'm learning more and more that people are such an important aspect of everything we do.

I'm looking forward to what new things 2010 brings, as well as doing my best to prepare for the challenges that will also come!